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The Chuck Norris Topic

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The Chuck Norris Topic

Post by Frosty on Sun May 24, 2009 6:54 pm

Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Chuck Norris is looking for it.

There are no such things as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates Trailerparks.

The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons; It was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. They didn't even come close.

Chuck Norris will never have a Heart Attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has dared question his motives.

Chuck Norris is the only man to litterally beat the odds. With his fists.

Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight. The Knife lost.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Dinosaurs went extinct because of the Chuck Norrasaurus.

The chemical formula for the highly toxic Cyanide ion, CN is also the initials of Chuck Norris. This is not a coincidence.

America is not a democracy, but a Chucktatorship.

Scientist claim the universe was created by the Big bang. Chuck Norris claims it was a bad case of gas.


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Re: The Chuck Norris Topic

Post by The Swedish Chef on Sun May 24, 2009 7:00 pm

b0rk!!! b0rk!! b0rk!

The Swedish Chef
The Swedish Chef

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Re: The Chuck Norris Topic

Post by Gersemi on Tue May 26, 2009 2:10 pm

MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes - EVER!!!

They say the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Unless Chuck Norris is on the other side, in which case the grass is soaked with blood and tears.

There are in fact five elemental forces; Strong, weak, electromagnetic, gravitation and Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

As well as being an actor, martial artist, and poet, Chuck Norris is also a world renowned physicist. It was in this capacity that he once had a disagreement about steady-state theory with Stephen Hawking. Hence the wheelchair.

On June 30, 1908, Chuck Norris was sampling some spicy native cuisine in northern Siberia. It's a fact. Google the "Tunguska Event".

Hannibal didn't sack Rome. Chuck Norris did.

Chuck Norris knows where the beef is.

A lot of people think it was a dragon that killed Beowulf. But it was actually Chuck Norris.

Upon being denied a McGriddle at McDonald's because it was 10:30, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

Chuck Norris let the dogs out.


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Re: The Chuck Norris Topic

Post by Xanthous on Wed May 27, 2009 12:10 pm

Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "Manslaughter"

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Re: The Chuck Norris Topic

Post by General Hoth on Sun May 31, 2009 4:52 am

There is not a theory of evolution, only those Chuck Norris has let live.

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Re: The Chuck Norris Topic

Post by Jarhead on Sun May 31, 2009 5:03 pm

Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about.

Chuck Norris made Ellen Degeneres straight, found out she was way less funny, then made her gay again.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' foot. In disgust Chuck Norris said, "Do you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" At the sound of Chuck's name, the man's blindness was instantly cured. Sadly, the last thing he ever saw was a fatal roundhouse to the face.

Normal people wear Superman pajamas, Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

We pray to Jesus, Jesus prays to Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once made a deal with the devil. He gave the devil his soul for uncanny martial arts ability and his rugged good looks. Upon making the deal, he roundhoused the devil and took his soul back. Fortunately, the devil appreciates irony, and admits he should have seen it coming. They now play poker together every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

When Chuck Norris goes swimming, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris.

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